Dear Fresh Graduates in Egypt who still have not found work yet,
Kol sana wento tayebeen! Unfortunately, it’s our responsibility to have to confirm your fears: you have not been hired yet…because you suck.
You will remain floating in the limbo between university and the real world indefinitely, forced to watch your friends get jobs, make money, get married and live fruitful lives while you stay at home with your parents and eat cereal in your bathrobe at 3 PM every day with even the family cat looking at you with shame.
You might try to find a job again in a few years but your CV will only have become a sadder version of its current self, and there’ll be the added burden of having to answer, “So what have you been doing all this time since you graduated?” with anything other than “eating cereal at 3 PM in my bathrobe, my good man.”
“Get out of my office.”
Wait, just breathe deeply as you leave the imaginary man’s office and look at this kitten for a second.
This is all in your head. On average it takes between 2 to 8 months to find work after graduating. So relax, you’re still totally average.
The reality is that there are much less depressing reasons why you may have not found work yet, the main being that sending out your CV everywhere is not the best way to get noticed anymore, especially when you still don’t have much to put on it.
So as you enjoy your last ‘technically summer’ holiday in Eid, here are a few tips that increase your chances of coming back to a few interviews:
- Start acting like you’re already hired to get into the correct mindset. Try to wake up relatively early, stay well-groomed, etc. Yes, we know it’s a holiday, but it’s all about mindset. As your friends point and make fun of you, just keep telling yourself “it’s all about mindset.”
- The restaurant/ buffet is a good place to network with others who can refer you to internal vacancies. Stand by the salad table with your plate in hand and just keep blurting out your qualifications, “Team player…sticks to deadlines…bachelor’s degree…” Somebody is bound to notice and offer you an interview, statistically people are 76% more likely to offer somebody work if they are hungry. (We made that up.)
- Remember the nerds you didn’t like to hang out with? Well, it’s time to reignite those friendships for purely selfish purposes. Have anyone you ever knew who already works refer your CV internally for open positions, which puts you ahead of those misguided dweebs sending in CVs by email because nobody loved them enough to share this article with them.
- Live in 2016 and get on HireHunt to get in front of lots of employers instantly by showing what makes you the awesome unique snowflake you are. Use your epicness to attract the attention of employers who are otherwise distracted by the noise of CVs. Even when you apply to a job there, you’re getting points that can get you noticed by other companies in case that particular interview doesn’t work out.
- Start interacting with a few friends who are even worse off than you are, just to feel a bit better about yourself for a bit. Then realize that that’s terrible advice and go back to interacting with the winners so you can become a winner like them and ditch the bums.
- Stay sharp & keep increasing your visibility by completing missions and challenges. On HireHunt. The new talent platform that this article is promoting totally secretly without anyone noticing.